


The Half of Me

by Kimquatroforte



Category: SHINee
Genre: Church Sex, Fictional Religion & Theology, M/M, Personal Growth, Psychology, Religious Discussion, University, jinki man of church, jonghyun man of science, the church sex tag omg, there is even a hint oh philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 02:31:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20649752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimquatroforte/pseuds/Kimquatroforte
Summary: Did you know that not everything you read in the books has to be taken from granted? Not even the ones you believe the most in?Jonghyun as psychology student is going to change the life of church caretaker Jinki starting from his mind and reaching then his heart. Save your prayers for later Jinki, you're gonna need them





	The Half of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fictional work, I actually am writing this out of the blue just because I got very inspired after a conversation with a friend of mine about what Theology's role is in modern Psychology, so I thought I should give it a try.  
Beware I'm no expert, I did my researches for the best that I could, and English isn't even my first language. I am just very enthusiast about stories and I wanted to share it with you. I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as I did while writing! Please comment it a lot!

The midday light was spreading through the tall stained-glass windows, cutting the wide environment in millions of shining blades, all in the different colours of the prism of light. Marble, golden, silver, brass, steel and wood, everything received the light and reflected it back, creating a pleasant warm harmony that nobody could hear.

What could be heard though, was an angelic symphony coming from a choir of long brown coats, wore by at least 20 people singing their hearts out, wrapped and encouraged by the September light from the outside. Accompanying the melody stood a majestic instrument, played by a skilled musician, his experienced fingers flying over the double keyboard, directing and taming the composition that was brought to life and released by tall brass pipes, each belonging to a note, on which surface the light was glistering like honey. The whole moment was so perfect both in melody and sight that could be easily mistook for a divine vision, and maybe the magic of the moment was all around this. 

This symphony lasted for other five, ten minutes, nobody could really tell. When the choir finished its singing, the pipe organ kept one last long note, that slowly melted into the white walls.

After a couple seconds of complete silence that gave a proper enclosure to the music piece, a soft and composed applause followed, as the choir members were thanking and complimenting each other, a slim elegant figure descended the stairs that were leading to the organ, clapping his hands as well.

“Good job everyone, you worked hard. Thank you for all your efforts and your availability for the rehearsal. I’m very grateful. This Sunday celebration is going to be an excellent performance, I’m looking forward to it. We’ll meet again on Sunday, please take care on your way home”

The man was tall and charming, his black hair styled back, so that his elegant and masculine features stood out better. His eyes, a beautiful long almond shape, were shining with pride, looking at the choir members leaving the church. His full fleshy lips were stretched in a smile, as he greeted the singers, raising his high cheekbones.

When everyone was gone and the gate were closed, he quietly went to collect all the music sheets, grabbed the score standees and headed to the office, where he put everything back in its place. He made sure everything was tidied up, then closed the office door, and went to the small church library. 

The library was his pride. He had the utmost care for every single detail, each book was accurately selected only by himself, put in shining oak wood shelves closed by glass, to make sure it never got spoiled by dust or dirt. There were mainly theology books of course, he also owned some ancient rare editions which he treasured deeply, but then the library was also gifted with history book, holy scriptures from all over the world, a few folklore encyclopedies and music manuals. Besides the shelves that were the main furniture of the room, the space also featured a small comfortable sofa, a big desk with chairs, a couple cabinets and side tables, a vinyl record player and an electronic keyboard, placed in a corner, on the sole purpose for the man to be able exercise his music skills. 

Nobody knew that he was also an excellent singer, he could even be a professional if he had wanted that, but he felt very shy about this talent and just decided to keep it for himself, singing loud only when he was sure nobody was around to listen.

But today was a special day and he couldn’t fiddle with these issues and lose time singing by himself, since he had something more important to think about. He was expecting a visit and couldn’t help but feel a bit agitated about it. It’s been quite long since anybody was in need for a book consultation from his library; despite the lack of demand though, he made sure every day that the room was tidy and neat, it made him feel better.

The man was very curious about his guest, and wanted to be of as much help he could, putting his wide knowledge at use. He stood in the middle of the library for quite some time, eyeing every detail but nothing seemed out of place, so he took a breath and opted to go back to the office and read something to kill some time. He was being too nervous and didn’t like that. 

His guest called the past week, a young and sweet male voice, asking him if he was the one in charge of the church library and if they could set up a meeting because he was in need of a book consultation. The young boy was a student of the Psychology department at the Seoul National University and since his professors asked for some kind of paper or research, he needed to compare a copy of the most ancient edition of the Old Testament available, which happened to be in the very same library the man was head of. He will have to definitely ask the student further informations.

  
  


An hour passed by, the appointment time was drawing closer, until the black haired man received a call on his phone, that startled him a bit by ringing all of a sudden.

“Good evening, this is Lee Jinki speaking”

“Ah, good evening mr. Lee, this is Jonghyun, we talked last week about the book consultation…” 

“Yes indeed, I remember. Are you on your way? Do you need directions to get here?”

There was a rustle, then the boy spoke again.

“Actually I think I’m just outside the church, but the door is closed...I was wondering if you could kindly lead me in”

Jinki, the black haired man, silently facepalmed himself. He forgot to unlock the door among all the things he should have taken care of.

“I’m very sorry about that, I must have been a bit absent minded. Of course Mr. Jonghyun, I’ll meet you outside in a moment” then he hung up.

The man hushed his pace, walking through the white vastity of the church hall, feeling a bit guilty, but tried to shake away the feeling and went to open the door to the boy.

  
  
  


Jinki had always thought that all psychology student must look weary, tall and thin, with glasses and a shabby look, maybe bringing books in an old fashioned bag hanging sloppily on their hip.

He had to eradicate this thought completely from his mind once he first met the boy who was going to spend many afternoons in his company in the solitude of the library. 

Jonghyun was anything but his concept of average Psychology student. Let aside that he wasn’t particularly tall, he definitely was handsome. His short brown hair were styled with a soft curve that fell morbidly on his forehead, his face had strong and clean features with high cheekbones, sharp jaw and his nose had a cute round tip, while the shape of his eyes was a nice and almost round almond, warm chocolate iris. Despite the height, his built seemed pretty muscular, at least judging on a first sight from his late summer clothes.

“Uhm you must be Mr. Lee Jinki, am I right? I am Jonghyun, Kim Jonghyun, from the Psychology department at SNU. I’m in third year, very pleased to meet you.”

His voice was as sweet as when he heard it on the phone, but was lighter, pleasant, as he was about to sing, while a smile spread on those full fleshy lips. As if his looks weren’t perfect enough, Jonghyun seemed to have a good taste in clothes, that unfortunately were fitting him on point. The only thing coherent with Jinki’s first blind idea was that Jonghyun was carrying a big bag on his hip, but it was a vintage leather one and matched his general looks.

The boy was very charming and showed a gentle nature, even telling him his age in order to let him address properly, so Jinki quickly came back to his senses and smiled back, grabbing the hand Jonghyun was offering and shaking it politely with a small bow. 

“Yes, that’ll be me. Please come inside, I’ll show you the place. Did it take you a long time to reach the place?”

They had a quick small talk on the way to the library room, while Jinki was showing his guest all around the church as they walked across it, giving brief historical informations. They finally entered the book room, Jinki’s little pride, so he introduced Jonghyun into the environment, showing him where he could sit and put his jacket, then went close to one of the glass covered shelves, opened it, looking for a specific volume. Once he found it, he carefully removed it from the shelf, making sure it wasn’t going to touch any surface other than Jinki’s hands, then with extreme care he placed it on a clean white towel he had previously displayed on the desk. Once he was done, he turned towards Jonghyun, who followed every one of his movements with curiosity in his eyes.

“This is the Old Testament rare edition you were looking for. I’m sorry but I can’t refrain from asking, what is the purpose of your research and translation? Is it some college assignment?”

Jonghyun was about to approach the desk, but Jinki’s question stopped him in his tracks and made him look up to the man with a tilt of his head.

“Yes, kind of. I think is your right to be aware of what I will need to look for in your book, so you won’t be too bothered if you’ll see me struggle a lot on a single page for hours” said the boy with a soft laugh. Jinki was delighted.

“Basically, I am a student from the third year and this means that next year will be my last. I took interest in the correlation that runs between Theology and Psychology because of the many aspects of its influence in our contemporary society since I’ve seen many -allow me this- old fashioned behaviours based on -sorry again- outdated mental schemes and the majority of these were based on religious preconcepts. Next year I want to bring my studies to a further step in order to develop a theory of counseling that uses religion and the patient’s beliefs to lead them to a healthy coping mechanism.”

Jinki’s attention was completely caught into the boy’s speech, following his words, liking the sound of it all. He thought his voice had the perfect tone for a radio host. And for a psychotherapist as well. He didn’t speak much yet and he already left a good impression on the man’s ears.

“That’s pretty hard, but is a sensitive topic as well. You’re quite ambitious, but you sound on a good path. I’ll try to be of as much help as I’ll be able to. So, about the book, I guess you need to start to look right at the sources, isn’t it? ”

“Thank you so much, that’s very appreciated. Yes, exactly like that. I’ll need to look for certain translation issues that were recently brought to light, but I couldn’t find them by myself on my other means, so I opted for a research straight at the roots. I hope I won’t steal too much of your time Mr. Lee, I’ve been told you always attend the consultations that are made over your books, but I shall be done in two months”

“Please call me Jinki, and don’t worry to spend too much time here. I have business to deal too and that’s right, I’ll be here all the time, but I’ll have to deal with a lot of paperwork and is something I would have done in this very room nevertheless, so don’t worry too much about me. You can have a seat and start to work comfortably.”

“Thanks a lot...Jinki. You can call me just Jonghyun then” said the boy, keeping the right honorifics to both of their names but on a less formal speech now, then he proceeded to sit down and adjust his things on the desk.

Jinki liked the presence of Jonghyun since he looked like a determined person with a good attitude and a witty brain. He hoped they would be able to have interesting conversations as well, if time allowed them.

\------------------------

Jonghyun started coming almost every afternoon, except for the weekends, and proceeded almost always in the same fashion. He took his laptop, his books, his pencils and notebooks, and started researching and scribbling. 

Sometimes they were involved in small conversations, and other times they were deeper ones, and kept talking for hours, finding the other’s point of view as a source for a different interpretation, so that at the end of the day Jonghyun would find himself at the very same point he was three hours earlier, because he was so caught up in conversation that he lost the track of time, but not once he would feel sorry about this. Same was for Jinki. 

Every now and then, Jonghyun started bringing some cakes he bought on his way, or hot tea in a steel container, or kimchi fried rice his mum made for them both. He felt like he wanted to reciprocate the patience Jinki had for him for all the time he was spending with the man, which was particularly pleasant because despite being basically a man of Church, Jinki was also a man of knowledge. He knew many things in almost all fields, and since their age gap was less than five years, they could find themselves on the same page for many aspects of the society.

In a quite short span of time, they grew a comfortable atmosphere between the two of them.

“So tell me Jonghyun, do you believe in God?” asked him Jinki one October afternoon.

The sun outside was already about to set, golden strands of light entering from the stained steel coloured windows, creating a warm multicolour pattern over the entire surface of the walls. The library only had a big mosaic window, but was colorful enough to change the shape of the whole environment once the light hit it.

Jonghyun lifted his head, his reading glasses on his nose, the question came suddenly but not unexpectedly. He was studying on a matter of belief after all, so it wasn’t surprising that Jinki would have been curious about his opinion on religion, one day sooner or later.

“Well, after years of trying to attend churches, when I began studying reality from a scientific point of view and seeing how things evolved through the years even just from my own very personal experience, I think I no, do not believe in the existence of a God. But this doesn’t make me less of a believer.”

Jinki leaned his back on the big chair he was sitting on, turning all of his attention towards Jonghyun. He was very curious about his view of the world since the boy surprised him quite often with his wit and his wisdom, and he was looking for the chance to ask him what his driving force in life could be. His answer didn’t really surprise him though.

“I’m curious, go on”

“Will you still let me access the Church even if I don’t believe in God?”

“You offend me Jonghyun, do I look that stern? Don’t worry, I’m open minded enough, but I’m genuinely curious about what you think, since you’re so deep into the scientific method and I appreciate your opinions. Church is open to everyone, you know”

“Alright then, is not that much of a big idea though. I like to believe that there must be something that leads timing in our lives, how our chances are caught or missed and why, but to me I see it all as a gigantic clockwork, is all mechanisms perfectly aligning one to the other, and we’re all running upon it, each one with their own personal clock that ticks to its own time. Is many things together, I find it hard to think there is a mastermind behind all of this.”

While Jonghyun was talking, Jinki could be able to observe how his head tilted cutely on the side while he was focusing on the windows then on Jinki’s face again, he gestured a bit with his hands, in an elegant way, sometimes he touched his chin or lips, nodding to himself at the end of statements, and the man found everything absolutely endearing. Jonghyun was not just beautiful, he was charming, and Jinki was slowly becoming a bit too addicted to his company.

“I think it makes sense. Thank you for sharing it, is very interesting how you managed to create your view without sticking to a single influence”

Jonghyun smiled briefly, then looked at him again, this time hesitated on his eyes.

“What about you then. What is the story behind your belief? If you feel like sharing of course”

Jinki pursed his lips together. He wasn’t hesitant about the issue itself, but just as any other story it had its lights and his shadows, and these shadows stung. He wondered if he could be honest with his guest, they had shared some personal informations so far, but there still were boundaries he wasn’t sure he could cross yet. He decided to be honest indeed, Jonghyun inspired trust among other feeling, but still thought it would be better to omit a few things.

“I grew in a Catholic environment, my mum was a catechist and my dad directed the choir, just like I do. All my family attended functions every Sunday and I’ve been educated since a very young age, I learned to celebrate the festivities properly and I actually grew interest in the tradition itself, learning many things by myself as well. 

My parents used to tell me everything in the Bible was absolute truth, I had to take it for granted and believe it, the Bible dictated what was right and especially what was wrong, I guess they were the strict kind of parents. They said that people should put the teachings of the Bible into a practical use to show evidence of their faith in the Lord, and whoever decided to live in sin, was fully aware of it and embraced the idea of never having the chance to reach heaven.

They made this very clear on me, especially when I’ve been repeatedly told I could never be saved if I chose to express my real feelings towards who I loved, because that was sin.”

Jinki then paused, he was a bit trembling, the sudden memories of his father yelling at him for catching him hand in hand with the boy he liked hit his mind, as the mere beginning of years of not very subtle persecution into convincing him loving a man was wrong. He shook his head to lose focus on those thoughts. That was in the past, he shouldn’t dwell anymore. He learned time ago to not let his feeling overcome him, he just shut them away. It was better for everyone around him.

He felt like he perhaps overshared a little, so he let a smile stretch his lips, he didn’t want Jonghyun to worry in any way, the boy was listening to him giving all of his attention.

“That was about my parents though. I don’t have this strict environment around me anymore, so I can just focus on my beliefs. I do believe in God as a powerful being who overlooks all his creatures, he may have some rules, but as for now I do enjoy thinking he’s got something planned for me and I should keep my path trying my best. I find comfort in asking him for help or confessing my worries, and even if nothing really happens, I feel guided when I have to make choices. Is like God to me is the one maintaining the big clockwork you were talking about.”

Jonghyun listened to all his story and acknowledged his beliefs, even if he had a different idea, but couldn’t really forget about what he mentioned about his past. This would be popping in his mind very often, because that’s how Jonghyun was once he started caring about someone.

“I see, I like how you found your way even though you were kind of forced into it at the beginning. What’s important is that it can give you comfort. I understand you, even if I don’t share it. I think that different opinions doesn’t mean that there’s necessarily a wrong one. So thank you for trusting me” 

Jonghyun did a little bow with the upper part of his body while he was still sitting. He didn’t want to force Jinki further into the conversation because he felt like the man already pushed it a bit forward while mentioning his past, triggering painful memories. He could read it on his face. Loving someone shouldn’t be a sin. Still, he wanted Jinki to trust him, and he wanted to make him feel valid and appreciated, so he lead the conversation on another safer path.

“You said your father was the director of the choir, just like you...are you the head of the choir in the church? Really?”

Jinki muffled something under his breath, he thought he spoke too carelessly about his past and hoped Jonghyun wouldn’t focus on that, which he didn’t, instead he focused on another think Jinki was shy about.

“Ah, that...yes, I do. I’ve been doing that for years and I uhm happen to play the organ, so I just lead the choir for Sunday function.”

Jonghyun was now staring at him with his mouth gaping.

“That’s absolutely cool. I’ve always wanted to play even just piano but I never took the right time to practice. I would love to have the chance to listen to you playing. Lee Jinki you’re full of surprises”.

This had Jinki chuckle a bit, his cheeks slightly red. The other’s enthusiasm flattered him, but he was really too shy to even think about playing for him.

“You have no idea. Anyways, that’s out of the question, if there’s someone with me when I’m playing I will definitely fail the composition, there’s no way.”

Hearing a refusal, in a burst of playfulness Jonghyun pouted. Jink wished he’d never seen that because now all he wanted to do was kiss the pout away, capture that red juicy lip with his own.

“Don’t give me the puppy eyes you make me feel like a criminal. Is a no no” he said, acting as he was covering his ears with his hands to not listen to Jonghyun’s childish begging.

The boy kept insisting for a while, his puppy eyes were hard to fight, but in the end he eventually gave up and they joked about this, as the evening crept in.

Later that night though, Jinki couldn't really erase from his mind the thoughts he had about Jonghyun's lips. Those were going to start haunting him.

  
  


\----------------------------

  
  


Jonghyun was early that day, one of his last classes got cancelled so he found himself with nothing to do for three hours before the time he usually met Jinki. He roamed at the campus for a while, chatting with his friends, having a coffee, then he started feeling anxious about the idea of being losing precious time he could have spent working at his papers, so he finally gave in and decided to head to the Church, perhaps Jinki had some free time and could be able to meet him anyways.

He felt very nervous, he didn’t like to mess up with other people’s schedules, he felt like he was being disrespectful, but on the other hand, he felt guilty for not trying to use wisely this time he gained. 

On a deeper level, the truth that he could hardly admit by himself and made him feel even more guilty was that even though he enjoyed spending time with Jinki, he didn’t want the other to feel uneasy around him, or steal too much of his time, and eventually realize how Jonghyun was falling for him, day by day, in the intimacy of the library just sharing thoughts and each other’s company.

Jinki didn’t really do anything to make Jonghyun crush hard on him, he was being himself in the simplest way, but after their conversation where his past creeped in the cracks of his statements, he couldn’t help but feel bad about his sentiment. There was no way Jinki could reciprocate his feelings, he could tell it just by the pained expression the man had on his face when he basically told Jonghyun how his parents would disown him if he chose to follow his heart’s desire. 

Jinki had been struggling all his life with feelings of guilt and sense of duty, and even if this pained the boy’s heart, he felt he didn’t have the right to put the weight of his feelings upon Jinki’s wide hurt shoulders.

So he had been trying to swallow his attraction for all he could, but wasn’t simple task. 

While he was all lost in his thoughts, he eventually reached the parish. There was still an hour before the accorded time. He procrastinated a few minutes outside, looking around observing the architecture, it still was a pretty church, but the outside didn’t give justice to the breathtaking view that was inside, especially when the warm sun beams of fall weather hit the coloured mosaic windows and adorned the walls with all the colours of the prism of light. Jonghyun absolutely loved that. He thought that maybe if Jinki was busy, he could still sit on the benches and enjoy the view.

With the solution ready in his mind, he gathered all his determination and entered the church silently, closing the door behind him. 

There was indeed the familiar sunshine reflected on the walls, but since he never came this early, he really had no idea of what was Jinki’s occupation before their meetings. He finally found out.

Jonghyun forgot to breath for a solid ten seconds.

The inside of the church wasn’t only filled with all the colours from the coloured glasses, but a celestial melody coming from a human voice resounded in the wide room, the tall thick walls bounced the sound back and it seemed to Jonghyun that the angelic voice was coming from all the directions. The melody was singing in a familiar language but not really known to him, Italian maybe? Latin? Jonghyun didn’t know, but he found himself following the sound, his heart controlling his legs now, like a sailor enchanted by the sirens in the Greek legends. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, he wanted to see the origin of the voice, even though everything told him it could only be Jinki himself.

The man had a deep voice, but sometimes when he was talking passionately about something, his pitch would raise sensibly, with a bit of nasal tone, and he could recognize that peculiar shade in the voice that was singing its heart out, passionately. 

Not a single note was mistreated, Jinki knew his technique and his singing was on a very professional level, not only he could play the organ and lead the choir, he intentionally left out a very important clue about his hobbies, which was his very voice.

Jonghyun was lead by the voice towards the rear part of the church, where the choir usually performs, and he saw a familiar silhouette standing there, facing the audience, his eyes shut close. He couldn’t see the boy approaching.

Jinki was standing in the middle of the choir area, he was all dressed in black, a tight pullover underlined his waistline, while he was shifting his weight from left to right, guided by the melody. His hands were dancing in gentle movements as if he was directing his own voice, his plump lips never hesitating on a long or high note. 

Jonghyun approached the small stage, he completely forgot about the initial idea of not getting caught, he was completely hypnotised by the singer, caught up in this side of him that he was so shy about to the point of never mentioning it. The boy was staring with his mouth half open, and he thought he never witnessed anything this beautiful in his whole life. He got a bit closer, he couldn’t stop his feet. 

His heart was pounding in his chest, Jinki reminded him of an angel in that light, all his previous thought about forgetting his feelings and not letting them out looked so fragile and unrealistic now, so useless, his heart felt so wholesome being there in that moment, that he wished the moment would last forever.

Alas, just as any good thing in the world, the song eventually came to an end, and Jonghyun was standing in front of Jinki, unshielded, his initial plan absolutely failed, he had no way he could defend himself and take full responsibility of his presence there. A hint of panic creeped in his mind. It was too late.

Jinki opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Jonghyun standing still in front of him in the empty vast room. His eyes were wide and sparkly, as if he was on the brink of tears, his lips half parted in an expression of wonder and marvel. Jinki’s first thought was that he fell asleep on the chair in the office and was just dreaming, but once reality hit him he started feeling a heavy wave of awkwardness hovering upon him, he wasn’t going to escape that.

Jonghyun wasn’t supposed to be there, he calculated the right timing, this all felt so embarrassing he desired the ground to crack open and swallow him whole. 

“Ah, Jonghyun you...you’re early, I...I’m so sorry, I thought there was nobody around so...good Lord I am sorry…”

He stepped forward, trying to hide, blabbering some nonsensical excuse, he really wasn’t ready to this and didn’t know how to act, he just wanted to have control of the situation again. Jinki was on the verge of panicking.

He looked down, towards his feet, moving shaky steps, until he found the boy’s hands on his arms, holding him still, eyes searching his face.

The man looked up, into Jonghyun’s eyes, expecting to find a weird mocking expression, but Jonghyun’s eyes were adoring, amazed, he was staring at his lips then at his eyes again.

Jonghyun was smiling, moved by wonder.

Jinki couldn’t understand what was going on. The boy was too close, his admired expression enlightened his handsome features.

“Jinki hold on, is alright...listen to me, this is okay. I didn’t want to interrupt, I was free, a lesson got cancelled so...I thought I’d come early and...I wasn’t supposed to be here but...sorry I have to tell you”

Jonghyun pursed his lips, licked them finding some strength, he was really too very close.

“That was the most beautiful thing I have witnessed in my life Jinki. I wished the moment would never end. You have the voice of an angel. I…”

There was close to no distance between them, the grip on Jinki’s arms wasn’t any weaker and Jinki’s heart was beating fast against his ribs, was it Jonghyun’s fault or the panic? Perhaps both, he didn’t know anymore.

They looked at each other for a few fatal seconds.

“I want to kiss you can I kiss you?”

Jonghyun didn’t wait for an answer, he just stole Jinki’s lips with his own, in a long soft kiss.

Jinki’s mind wasn’t there anymore, his body acted by itself. He reciprocated the kiss, putting his hands on the boy’s waist, caressing him. Jonghyun’s lips tasted of mint, he kept on kissing him once again, twice, thrice maybe. It all felt so right, Jonghyun’s nose touching his cheek.

It felt so right for a long intense minute, until Jinki’s brains suddenly came back on their senses and he started realizing what he was doing, his triggers and memories and  _ panic  _ striked back in. 

Everything gained a sinister shade and he abruptly pulled away, it was wrong it was a mistake it was unnatural -it was  _ sin _ \- he gave in to his feelings and now it hurt like hell.

  
  


“Jonghyun I….I think you have to go now”

The boy nodded, there were tears in his eyes, tears of guilt and pain.

He was aware of everything. He ruined it all.

Without any further word, he turned his back and fastened his pace until he left the church.

Jinki put his hands on his own face and broke down kneeling on the marble floor.

\-----------------------------------

  
  


“Good morning Jinki, I hope I’m not disturbing you. This is Jonghyun. I’m very sorry about this but I need to steal some of your hours for the last time. As you perhaps remember, my assignment is due to in two days and I have to yet complete the translation.

Would you mind letting me use the library for this last task? I promise I won’t bother you anymore”

Jinki read the message for at least ten times, a week later. He didn’t hear nor see from the boy in all these days, but he haven’t forgotten about the purpose Jonghyun started his visits first.

After thinking about how to answer for a long amount of time, he sent his answer.

“Hi Jonghyun, you’re not disturbing.Yes I do remember, you can come tomorrow and take all the time you need, my books are at your disposal. Come whenever you’re free. Spend a pleasant evening, see you tomorrow.”

All he could do now was wait.

\-------------------------------------

  
  


Jinki kind of feared the moment he heard the bell ring. He instantly knew who could it be, not that he had many other options, but he wished he had more time to let the memory fade a bit. Of course he had a duty, and a promise to fulfill, but everything about what he was supposed to feel was so blurry and uncertain, that he wished he could stop the time and heal for a while, not taking any responsibility and hoping for things to fix by themselves.

He was aware that this could never happen, so he took a deep breath, recollected himself and went to open the door to greet a very shy and insecure Jonghyun. They briefly shared a few words, very awkwardly then the boy followed the librarian into the church, to finish the work he was supposed to submit the next day. The man was fully aware of the priority of the expiration day.

Jinki sat at the desk, in front of his guest, just as they always did. Sometimes they stood silent for the whole afternoon, other times they talked endlessly, but after the awkward episode from the last week, they are now unsure of how to act. Nevertheless, Jink thought that being natural as always could be the best option, but he didn’t really think that it would be easy. 

Jonghyun himself as always didn’t absolutely help. He was wearing a loose white sweater, long on his arms and revealing all his neck area, his collarbones were peeking from the upper hem of the cloth and right there where the two clavicles met he had a small delicious mole, on the base of the neck. He was wearing his round reading glasses that made him look a bit more mature and professional, but also made him at least ten times more charming. Jinki forced himself to look away, because he started to feel heated up even if it was a pretty chill evening. 

Ah, it was evening this time. Jonghyun almost always left before dinner, but since the expiration day for his papers would be the next day, he had to finish, and this meant he had to stay longer. Jinki could never leave his library unattended. So he stayed that evening, despite the mixed feelings he was getting.

After some time and a lot of pages shuffle in awkward silence, Jonghyun slowly stopped everything that he was doing, hands on the sides of the book he was on, and a weird light started possessing his features as he removed his glasses and put them aside.

“Do you know that when they say that not everything that you read in the books is true this may also apply to the ones you treasure the most?” 

Jonghyun said all of a sudden in the dim light of the table lamp, lifting his head while stretching a grin on his lips, and Jinki couldn’t help but to look at him. That was very random, but sometimes, for as long as he knew him -not that much honestly- Jonghyun was the kind of person to jump on with sudden out of context questions that demanded an answer. Especially if he looked like he just discovered the Holy Grail’s location.

“What do you mean by that?” the caretaker asked hesitantly. Jonghyun took a deep breath.

“I mean that maybe I just found exactly what I was looking for after all the time spent researching it and it all matches so well that I almost can’t believe it. I’ll write it down and I’ll explain it. Good God now it all makes sense”

Jinki snorted at the improper use of the name of the Lord.

“Ah sorry, but this time is definitely about him” laughed Jong, understanding the man’s disappointment, but he was too excited to give a proper excuse and started furiously writing down what he just found out. 

He was smiling and he looked happy, and Jinki’s curiosity grew each second, he closed the book he was reading and started to get himself ready to listen to everything that Jonghyun had to explain. His ecstatic expression while typing on his laptop was enough to make Jinki forget the fact that they feverishly kissed just a week ago, and he unconsciously moved his chair closer to the other, trying to bury for once the sense of guilt he had been dwelling on.

A few minutes heavily passed by, and Jinki’s patience was close to the limit. On his right, Jonghyun was almost finishing writing everything in his notes, his clean forehead now glistering with a light sweat, such was the tension.

Then, finally, he closed his laptop down, stretched his arms above his head, then he folded them on the table, looking right into Jinki’s eyes.

“We all have been studying the Bible for ages and blindly trusted its translations, from Old to New Testament and all the Holy Scriptures. Hebraic is a difficult language, especially its most ancient version, and errors can occur of course. Can you imagine how a small mistake, or choice depending on how you see, can change the meaning of a word and determine people’s beliefs for ages? Because this time is the case. You follow me?”

Jonghyun searched his answer in Jinki’s eyes, who nodded silently, suggesting him to keep on with his speech. He couldn’t see where this was going but he started feeling a bit uneasy. His beliefs were indeed a sensitive topic.

“Do you know the myth of the Creation, right? Tradition says that God made Adam fall into a deep sleep, removed a rib from his chest, made flesh grow over it, and created Eve from that, a whole new female being just from the rib of Adam. The word that experts translated into “rib” was actually ZELAH, that is from Ancient Hebraic, and is found around other 40 times in the Old Testament, and in those mentions is always translated differently. This word means Half.

So if we follow the more accurate and loyal translation, God cut Adam in half and used it doubled to give Eve a shape, so that Eve is two half Adam and Adam grew back his missing side. It kinda sounds logical nowadays right? Apparently, at the translation time this was too weird or difficult to portray, despite all the weird things that are mentioned in the books, so those professionals decided to translate “half” into something more easy to picture, something like a bone from the first man”.

He left a pause for Jinki to swallow all of that.

Then he moved the book and put it under Jinki’s eyes, some pieces of paper were popping out from the pages.

“You’ll find it here, look” and shuffled closer. 

He then proceeded to show the other man a few examples of the guilty ZELAH word that he bookmarked on the ancient rare copy of the Old Testament, the one he went all the way to the church for, and demonstrated him how there were two translations of that comparing to a new edition of the translated volume.

Jinki didn’t know what to think about. He already started questioning his religious faith a long time ago, then Jonghyun came into his life and everything just became more difficult. Jonghyun was rational and scientific, but also charming, artistic and poetic. His speech was seducing and his scent was intoxicating, so even if Jinki’s body was already speaking a clear language, it was his mind that was falling as well. 

This explanation was just too straightforward and logical for him to not believe it.

“How hasn’t nobody still complained about that? Female’s figure has been perceived as depending from male for centuries, for all this time, seen as a small part of him that could be easily get rid of. This is...devastating” the concern in his eyes was sincere.

“Ah, but I’m not finished, the best part has yet to come”

Jinki wasn’t sure he was ready.

“This can be linked to a scientific genetic explanation and a more philosophical one, and they all make sense together after the translation has been cleared up”

The librarian leaned a centimeter forward, his head now resting on the palm of his hand, all of his attention onto Jonghyun. He could smell his cologne from that distance and considering the dim light and the boy’s natural tanned skin colour, he looked hundreds time more fascinating than the argument. Jinki’s brains had been seduced too and apparently they were leading. Apparently. He couldn't help it.

“Go ahead” said Jinki, staring at the boy’s lips.

“Alright, brace yourself old man” said mockingly Jonghyun, putting the book aside and focusing all of his attention on Jinki’s face, as he started explaining his theory that after months of hard work finally seemed to pay off. He didn't feel awkward anymore around Jinki, he just wanted to share the moment with him.

“As for the genetic explanation, it all starts to make more sense after you think about how in 1953, DNA was discovered. DNA is made of two intertwined spirals, and is built of small bricks that are called chromosomes right? Each and almost every one of us has 23 couples of chromosomes, but whether you were born male or female, sex is decided by a specific pair of chromosomes. We can say that male and female have the same 22 couples and only a couple is different.”

At this point, Jinki’s eyes narrowed. He couldn’t really anticipate Jonghyun’s speech because he started somewhere not even close to a religious matter, but he knew the boy had a very logical approach to things, sometimes he was even too rational, and Jinki deep down thought he envied that trait in him, because his life could have been a bit easier with that kind of mindset. However, he trusted Jonghyun’s researches enough to still be focused on his speech, losing his eyes every now and then to be distracted by that mouth. 

“What got me shook earlier is that for males, the sex chromosomes are called XY, and for the females...they’re XX. Which is, basically, two times half of man’s chromosomes, right? Two times X. Does this sound familiar? Maybe, around 3.400 year old familiar?”

Jonghyun couldn’t get rid of the confident smile that was spreading all over his face. Anyone could see he was clearly enjoying the effect that his words were doing on Jinki, who looked like a 3 years old who’ve just been told that Santa is a lie. He knew he was right upon all of this, and since their last talk about religion, they really never touched the issue again.

Jonghyun acknowledged Jinki’s religious belief but could never understand -or accept- the restraints and frustrations he put on his own self because of that. Now, all he wanted was to destroy all of that, remove every brick of self-imposure that Jinki had because of religion, and prove him he could be himself and not be a freak for this. Jonghyun wanted Jinki to fall apart and reveal all of him without any more chains. He wanted to claim him, face their attraction, and bear with all the consequences of it with a sincere heart and a cleared up mind.

He was determined now, so he went on with his speech, maybe shuffling even closer to the other man.

“What the Bible has been trying to tell us all these years is that man and woman are two halves of the same being. They are the same, they just differ from one thing, their sex. And is really just about that. Nobody depends entirely on the other, they are two slightly different versions of the same thing. This is extremely beautiful.”

Jinki thought that the only thing extremely beautiful was Jonghyun right in that moment, his eyes shining with awareness, dangerously close. The man’s mind was about to lose the tracks it had been holding on for maybe too much time.

Jonghyun licked his lips for the final blow.

“This explanation should really be put in new translations, because it could chance man’s perception on a big scale, even if is just the translation for a single word. This had the biggest impact on me, and on a matter of egalitarianism and feminism, could be good in our society too, especially for those mindsets that set their worldview on scriptures.”

He took a breath for what was coming next.

“This kind of comparisons between what the Bible really says about the origin of man and women and how science explains it, actually reminded me of something I read a couple years ago when I faced the  _ Symposium _ by Plato. Have you ever read it?”

Jinki lightly shook his head “Unfortunately, I still haven’t. I’m afraid I only read  _ Timaeus _ because is a dialogue about speculations upon the nature of the physical world and human beings, but I read it mainly for personal interest...I never dwelled on Plato’s works, my bad.”

Jonghyun smiled at him “There’s no need to worry, is a very funny and interesting work and I think you’d appreciate it. Plato’s mind is absolutely fascinating and I might share quite some of the things he has to say. Like this one for example. Is about mankind and the eternal search for...their half, yes, just like in genetics and in Bible. This viewpoint is a bit wider. I am of course a big fan of it.

During the Symposium Plato organised at his place, he was leading a dialogue among friends where everyone of them had to explain the idea of Love with a different eulogy, and they all came up with a different approach, until we have Aristophanes one. Mind me that is all mere fiction but they way Aristophanes myth puts an accent on sexuality may be read as a witty poke to all the myths concerning the origins of humanity. I like to think this makes more sense than anything I’ve read till now”

Jinki was just nodding mindlessly, completely drawn into what Jonghyun was about to spill. What annoyed him the most, was that the other looked so conscious of it too.

“What Aristophanes says, is that human beings at their origin were round creatures made of two heads, four arms, four legs and two reproductive organs. They were whole and complete and for this they were very powerful, so powerful that gods, especially Zeus were jealous of it. So he decided to put an end to this, and cut them in half. It rings a bell, doesn’t it? Zeus might be a nasty greedy old man, but this way those beings were lost without their halves, and spent the rest of their life looking for what they were missing. Just like any one of us.” 

At this point, Jonghyun’s eyes gained a slightly pained look. His lips looked even redder than before, and Jinki wondered if they were this close when he first started talking. 

“Ah, I’m a freaking romantist, I’m sorry. This being said, you have to know that for the Greeks, these powerful round human beings were of three kinds, two males for the masculine sex, two females for the feminine sex, a male and a female for the androgynous. What they meant, is that homosexual love and heterosexual love was just the same thing, because in the end, is just two halves of the same whole.

Isn’t it beautiful? Philosophy has such a nice way to put it, but what I really believe down to heart is that every human being on heart is just looking for its half, maybe for Adam it was Eve, but...can it be, dunno, Liam and Steve?” 

The boy knew that joke could have ruined all his carefully built speech, but that didn’t matter. He delivered the message he wanted.

His right hand, which had been on the desk for all this time, hesitantly went to cup Jinki’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

Jinki’s heart just skipped a beat. Jonghyun was so close it was painful, staring into his eyes, invading his personal space with all that beauty and wit, and Jinki was so lost, so lost he could even forget himself, all of his worries and fears. Jonghyun’s words acknowledged him but also showed him he shall have no more fear, since what truly matters between them were their hearts. He was right, he was absolutely right and all those years of neglecting himself his true feelings just contributed to hurt him and make him feel like he was on a wrong path, but he actually just realised that all he did wrong was to never give himself a single chance. 

Jonghyun words wiped all of those preconceptions in the span of two months with a final whim.

Jinki rapidly closed the small gap that was left between their bodies claiming Jonghyun’s lips with his ones on a needy kiss. 

It was like igniting dynamite. There was no hesitation on Jonghyun’s side, he reciprocated the kiss the exact moment Jinki’s lips were on his, opening his mouth and letting his tongue slide in, while his hands were already all over Jinki, roaming over his shoulders and the back of his head, almost gripping on his clothes and hair.

Their bodies were pulled together, even though they were technically still sitting, searching for the warmth of each other, their kiss deepened, exploring mouths with their tongues and exchanging their saliva.

Jinki’s hands started caressing Jonghyun’s neck and the side of his beautiful face, appreciating the soft warm skin with his fingertips, then he started placing open mouthed kisses all over his chin, jawbone, finding his way with his lips along the delicate curve of Jonghyun’s neck, ending on that beauty mark right between his collarbones, licking that special spot and nibbling onto it, ending up on looking for his face and kiss him again passionately.

Between each kisses and touch, Jonghyun was letting out soft moans, and since their position was quite uncomfortable and he wanted more, he stood up, breaking the kiss, overlooking at Jinki with his lips still parted, panting hard, his chest rising at every breath.

Jinki was a bit taken aback by the sudden move of the boy, and he found himself looking at Jonghyun with his chin up, still sitting. Since the other was standing, it was easy for Jinki to see how he was already aroused and turned up, as his body reacted to the heated kisses with a clear bulge in his trousers. Jinki felt a familiar sensation rising from his lower body as well., but there was no reason for him to find an excuse to hide that this time.

As if Jonghyun was only waiting for him to notice his arousal, he took a step forward, parting his legs as he was sitting down again, this time on Jinki’s lap, facing the other, looking at him in the eyes. Their mouths were so close they could feel each other’s hot breath, and Jonghyun threw both his arms over Jinki’s shoulder, coming closer and putting his crotch in contact with the other’s, licking the man’s lips slowly, teasing, never leaving the eye contact.

Jinki now could feel Jonghyun’s swollen member against his stomach, but since they were both still fully dressed, the contact was still weak. What wasn’t weak at all, was their growing desire for each other’s body, and Jinki could feel his own arousal growing hard pretty fast. He had no intention of drawing back this time, he was compromised enough to bear all the consequences of it. He was just being human.

Jonghyun kept teasing him, licking both his lips, then moved a bit on the side, reaching his ear and passing his tongue all over his helix, biting the soft cartilage of the earlobe, and sucking where the ear met Jinki’s sharp jawbone, close to the neck.

Jinki’s body reacted with a jolt of his hips, right onto Jonghyun’s groin, as he let out a loud moan. A sensitive spot was hit. 

The black haired man put both his hands on Jonghyun’s hips, lifting the hem of his white sweater, feeling his hot soft skin, pressing his fingers into it, pulling him closer, until the boy started grinding on a steady rhythm and Jinki could swear his sight went white for a second.

He had the boy’s mouth all over his neck, his hungry hands running through his hair, while he could now clearly feel his erection pressing over his own one, painfully hard.

Jinki was panting, and moaned a bit when Jonghyun started sucking down his neck close to the collar, the boy wanted more skin to savour so he proceeded playing with the buttons of Jinki’s shirt, opening one by one, sliding his hands inside, touching the man’s burning skin, his mouth following right after leaving a trail of saliva. Jinki might have looked well built, but once Jonghyun slided the fabric of shirt down one of his shoulder, he could notice how pleasantly buff the man was. The boy looked at him, and a satisfied smile spread across his lusted face.

“Hey, what’s with that face, I work out”

“I see that you're full of surprises indeed. I hit the gym thrice or more per week too, haven't I told you? I can't remember”.

This image sent a shiver straight to Jinki’s crotch.

“I might be just like St. Thomas then”

“Aren’t you insolent”

Jonghyun at this point straightened up his back, his crotch still in contact with Jinki’s swollen one, and slowly, looking at him with his chin down, started lifting the hem of his sweater, passing it all over his body until his hands were over his head and he could remove the cloth completely, remaining with his chest naked still sitting on Jinki’s lap, his hips forward, the warm light of the table lamp dripping on his well defined muscles.

Jinki actually couldn’t foresee that as well. He could feel Jonghyun was toned when he happened to touch his arms or waist through the fabric for the brief contact they had up to that moment, but his body was now showing a great cure in the shaping of his chest and abdomen muscles, as well as the shoulders and arms.

“Jonghyun you are so damn beautiful”

The boy unexpectedly did a very shy laugh and tried to cover his face with his hands, his abdomen muscles contracted for the movement, but Jinki was faster and grabbed his wrists, stopping him gently, while he leaned forward to kiss his shyness away, stealing the laugh from his lips. His hands couldn’t have enough of touching his skin, feeling his body with his hands and fingers, knowing that Jonghyun was totally reciprocating him and his body language spoke very clear, grinding again on his lap.

There was no room in his mind for fear of rejection and he only wanted to pleasure the boy sitting over him right now.

Without stopping kissing him, Jinki’s hands were tracing a pattern of caresses all over his chest, grazing his nipples, stimulating them with his fingers, while Jonghyun’s chest was rising out of appreciation, inhaling deeply, since his lips were still abducted.

Jinki’s hands kept roaming Jonghyun’s skin, going southwards, until they reached the trousers. There, he put a hand over the boy’s swollen member over the clothes, touching it hesitantly, not very sure of how to proceed, as the other hand was massaging Jonghyun’s firm skin on his hip, gripping on it.

Feeling Jinki’s uncertain touch on his most sensible area, Jonghyun slowed all of his movements, trying to listen to the black haired man’s intentions, he would never do anything that the other wasn’t willing to do, but at the same time he decided to not stop to show him he was comfortable with what the other was doing.

“You don’t have to keep up with this if you don’t want to…” said the boy, parting their lips to take a breath and reassure him.

As a response, Jinki’s touch became more confident and he started massaging Jonghyun’s shaft through the clothes, making him more wanting, and making himself wet with precum.

This time was Jonghyun to be the surprised one, his eyes widened as he looked at Jinki with a silent question.

But the man felt he was doing the right thing to please him, so he started playing with the buckle of Jonghyun’s belt, removing it, while keep on kissing his bare chest, licking his small nipples, hard from the tease and maybe the chill air.

Jonghyun whimpered and moaned, Jinki’s confidence was totally surprising but at the same time it was unsustainably arousing, and he wanted more.

“Jinki…. touch me, please” he begged, biting his lower lip.

The man lifted his head from Jonghyun’s chest and looked into his eyes from there, then he slowly started to place open mouthed hot kissed over the toned body, from his pectorals going low, passing his tongue along the abdominal muscles, holding him in place with now both his hands on the bare back, feeling a light layer of sweat over the muscles. Jonghyun seemed like he exercised his body throughout and his skin was hot and tender under Jinki’s mouth, whose hungry kisses were turning into hickeys right under the boy’s navel, leaving red marks on the happy trail.

Jonghyun’s moans were getting breathy and louder, he was trembling under Jinki’s tease and foreplay, he was also starting to struggle to keep himself in that position because of the unnatural curve of his back, his abdomen muscles being contracted for all this time, his hands busy running into the other’s black hair.

Jinki decided that was the right moment to start licking the skin under the hem of Jonghyun’s underwear that was peeking from his trousers, tasting a bit of precum that wetted the fabric as well.

Jonghyun swallowed hardly, as he jolted in his place from the sudden proximity of the man’s tongue to his erected cock, painfully restrained into his jeans.

It was the first time Jinki was tasting somebody’s else semen, he had received head before and happened a couple times that he kissed the parter right after he released into their mouth, but he had never been the one to touch or give pleasure to a male partner. 

All his life he suppressed his true sexual desires, only having a couple relationships with women that all ended up in breakups because he felt like he couldn’t really reciprocate the love and attraction, and he felt so wrong. After years and years of being told that his orientation was just a phase and that if he believed in God he would be have to be respectful towards the nature of the first human couple, in order to avoid all the heartache he just tried to stick with the heteronormative imposure of his environment.

All of this until he met Jonghyun, and all his restrictions and chains were breaking and loosing and falling, and nothing mattered except for the two of them.

Jinki wanted to lose control for Jonghyun, and there was no turning back.

So with a firm hand, he went to unbutton the boy’s trousers, while with the other hand he was still holding him. 

The hand that was on his back realized Jonghyun’s efforts to keep himself on place while he was shaking from the frustration and the muscles tension. He wouldn’t last long in that position.

Jinki pushed his hips forward expressing the desire to move, grabbing Jonghyun’s legs around him so that the boy could follow his movements, then proceeded to stand up shifting all the weights on his legs, lifting the boy on top of the desk, sitting him with close to no effort, while standing in front of him, their bodies touching.

Jonghyun was left completely taken aback, and even more turned up indeed, by the demonstration of strength that took Jinki to lift him and place him wherever he pleased. He felt light and, more importantly needed.

Jinki didn’t let him wait and went back to kiss him fully on the lips, while his hands were unzipping the boy’s trousers, sliding them down his hips, Jonghyun helping him removing the cloth completely until they fell on the floor, forgotten. 

Jinki kept on kissing him passionately, and his hands were now working on the swollen member pressing on the underwear, touchin it through the fabric, grazing its tip.

“J-Jinki....please I beg you, I can’t take this anymore” whined the boy.

As a response, Jinki exchanged one last glare with Jonghyun, then he lowered himself down, slowly, while removing the last bit of clothes from the boy, until he was on his knees, facing the already leaking erection.

Jonghyun, sitting on the desk with his legs spread, locked his eyes with Jinki as he was kneeling down, while caressing his dark hair, the anticipation of the pleasure building up inside of him. 

Jinki placed his flat tongue at the base of the cock and slided it all the way along the big central vein, licking the precum until the soft tip, which took into his mouth and started sucking gently, swallowing the leak, as one of his hands started stroking at the base, while the other grabbed the soft asscheek.

“Oh  _ God _ ” said Jonghyun in a loud breath, bending his head backwards as Jinki finally touched his sensitive dick.

“So now we believe in God, Jonghyun?” said Jinki with a smirk, stopping his mouth work for the time necessary, while his tongue was resting over the tip of the boy’s erection.

The sight was so arousing Jonghyun almost lost his breath.

“Please just shut up and keep going, I’m losing my mind”

Jinki’s low laugh sent a shiver over the boy’s tip but after that, he slowly engulfed Jonghyun’s cock into his hot mouth, licking the length until he was comfortable with the position of his own tongue and jaw, to allow more room into his mouth, and what he couldn’t welcome into his mouth he was stroking with his hand.

Perhaps he had never given head in his life, but he surely knew what it felt like so he was trying to recreate everything that could push him over the edge and test out Jonghyun’s sensitive spots to let him reach the climax.

Jonghyun was keeping his head with his chin in the air, exposing all his throat, his lips open into an expression of full pleasure, keeping his eyes closed, his hands gripping on the edges of the desk.

Jinki was working his mouth onto his shaft perfectly, and even if it could be his actual first time, Jonghyun stated that he was definitely on the way to become very good at it. 

The black haired man kept sucking deeper on the boy’s hard cock, curling his tongue around it and his hands were now stimulating the ballsack, massaging it to help Jonghyun feel more pleasure. Apparently it worked, because Jonghyun started to thrust into the other’s mouth, needy, greedy for release.

“If you keep it like that...aah...I..I think I’m close Jinki..”

Jinki thought that hearing his name among loud panting was the most erotic thing Jonghyun had said till that moment, so he followed each thrust with a hard suck as deep as he could, controlling his breath to avoid any choking, stroking the base of the cock with his free hand, while the other was now gripping on Jonghyun’s toned thigh, keeping it open to give him more access to his groin.

Jonghyun’s hip thrusts became more erratic and strong as he felt the heat of the orgasm build up inside of him.

“J-Jinki I... _ hnng _ …”

He grabbed Jinki’s hair into his fingers, pulling, he really couldn’t be able to put together a couple words but Jinki understood the boy was about to come, so he helped him stroking faster, licking around the tip, being careful of the last part of the stimulation, until Jonghyun let out a loud high pitched cry and filled Jinki’s mouth. 

The latter kept stroking slowly, accompanying Jonghyun in his orgasm, not wanting to pull away, swallowing it all. He wasn’t really sure if he liked the taste of it, but he was proud of his work. He felt so whole, and most importantly, so right.

Jonghyun was hardly catching up his breath. He stood still for some long seconds, savouring the aftermath of his orgasm, his legs numb, while Jinki slowly pulled himself up, his hands running gently over Jonghyun’s skin from his thighs up until his waist, where they rested. As soon as they were facing each other again, Jinki looking a bit embarrassed, Jonghyun took the man’s hands into his own, pulling him close, hugging him, wrapping himself around his shoulders, and kissed him slowly, in a sweet open mouthed kiss, tasting his own release into Jinki’s mouth.

He was caressing Jinki’s back, reassuring him, even though he was still fully clothed he was smooth, t-shirt a bit sticky with sweat. Jonghyun kissed him another time, then parted their lips and put his forehead over Jinki’s, opening now his eyes to see dark irises looking back at him fondly.

“Hey, are you alright?” asked putting both his hands to cup the handsome man’s cheeks.

Jinki closed his eyes, covering Jonghyun’s hands with his big warm ones.

“I’ve never felt this good in such a long time Jonghyun.”

Was it just his impression or Jonghyun was still so weak when Jinki said his name? Especially in such a low voice.

Jonghyun smiled, he couldn’t have enough of Jinki’s skin, keeping caressing him everywhere he could reach, going for another hug, resting his head over his shoulder.

But Jonghyun never was a selfish man. This time wouldn’t be an exception. Not when it was about something he’s been looking for for more than the time he likes to admit.

With his head still on Jinki’s shoulder, his hands were going down, on his hips, and pressed one hand over Jinki’s aching hard cock, still confined into his jeans and boxers.

“It looks like I have something to take care too now”

“Is okay, you don’t have to, I’m fine like that”

“Jinki...I’ve wanted to do this for at least a month, let me now take care of you”

Jinki’s ears became very red after hearing that, Jonghyun was very blunt , but he wouldn’t actually refuse. He smiled, helpless to Jonghyun’s charm, and let the boy kiss him again, passionately, feeling the heat over his crotch hotter than ever, in the anticipation of how he was about to put an end to the neglection.

The boy, who was still sitting naked on the desk, with a quick movement put himself back on his feet, not ashamed at all about his naked body, and kept touching Jinki’s erection, massaging it over the fabric.

“Do you mind if” Jonghyun kissed him “I take this all away?” he kissed again, while his hands were already playing with Jinki’s buckle and removed the belt, proceeding rapidly on unbuttoning the trousers, not really waiting for an answer.

He kissed Jinki once again full on the lips, licked them making sure to leave them wet with saliva, then he kneeled, and with one single movement he slid the uncomfortable trousers and the boxers, leaving them falling on the floor, as he was facing Jinki’s considerable cock, finally released from the clothes. 

It was twitching, needy of attention, the tip already wet with arousal, calling for Jonghyun’s mouth.

So he took it all in his mouth, giving it a hard suck, while his hands went on the back to cup and squeeze Jinki’s round and firm ass. Not without a grunt of satisfaction.

The man was whimpering under Jonghyun’s attentive touch, the boy was working his mouth all over the long and thick shaft, massaging, licking the tip and sliding his tongue in the crack at the top, hearing Jinki getting louder and louder with his husky moans and muffled curses.

“Jonghyun--” he whispered the boy’s name, losing his breath.

Jonghyun hummed over his cock in response, the vibration of his throat sending shivers all around Jinki’s erection, amplifying the sensation of suction.

“T-this is heaven” said the man, fully aware of the blasphemy, as he took a step back to be able to rest his butt on the desk, caressing Jonghyun’s hair while the latter’s head followed the movement, keeping on bobbing over his erection.

Jonghyun chuckled when he heard Jinki compare his blowjob to such a place, so he decided to take it deeper and finally know what Jinki tasted like. The man pushed his hips forward, following Jonghyun’s movement, his fingers were tangled into the boy’s hair as his cock stiffened, about to reach his climax. Jonghyun felt it, and let his mouth a bit more loose so Jinki could actually thrust into his mouth, which he did, following his instinct, and he finally pumped into the hot and wet hole until he came, with a loud cry, spilling it into Jonghyun’s mouth, still caressing his hair. 

The boy accompanied Jinki’s climax with a few more strokes, until he pulled out and placed gentle kisses on the soft skin right beside the member.

On the aftermath, Jinki looked a bit tired and uncertain, and Jonghyun now was very aware of his delicate mental position, so he slowly pulled up Jinki’s briefs again and his own as well, and kissed him right above the hem of it, then stood completely up, and looked at him, his hands playing with the fabric of the man’s t-shirt.

“Are you still okay with all of this?”

Jinki’s eyes were focused on a specific point on the floor, but as soon as Jonghyun spoke again he lift his head to reciprocate the glare, and a fond smile started spreading on his lips, placing both his hands on Jonghyun’s naked waist.

“From the very beginning of it. Aren’t you cold Jong? Come here”

Jonghyun was torturing his already swollen lips in the sudden fear of Jinki’s rejection after they crossed the line and voiced out the sexual tension between them, but Jinki’s answer eased all his worries with his caresses, and he found peace again falling into the man’s strong arms, which held him close, embracing him.

Jinki’s warmth was comforting. 

They spent some time just appreciating the heat of their bodies, still hugging, caressing the short nape hair and placing gentle kisses on each other’s skin, until the air became chill and they decided to recollect their clothes.

  
  
  


“So tell me Jinki, are you hungry?” proposed Jonghyun as they were about to leave the church.

“I don’t know Jong, is past midnight….I am indeed starving, but I don’t know if there are places open around here” he said, scratching his cheek.

“Let me enlighten you one more time then, will you?” then answered Jong, loving the new nickname he earned that night, grabbing Jinki’s big hand. There was his favourite 24/7 barbeque place not far from there. 

“I trust you blindly.” Jinki turned to kiss Jonghyun’s forehead, his hair a lot messier now.

“No more St. Thomas eh, I see”

That gained him a slap on his arm.

  
  
  
  


Epilogue

  
  


Two weeks later, two happy weeks of dating Jinki, Jonghyun was nervously browsing the website of SNU, crooked on his bed. He was checking online the results of his assigned papers, his submission on specific counseling had worried him quite a lot since he still haven’t gotten any feedback, but as soon as his course mates told him that the results were officially out, he rushed home to take his time and look for himself.

He scrolled his personal account, looking at his grades and credits, when he suddenly jolted forward and almost dropped his laptop on the floor.

Apparently, his passionate and dedicate research actually gave him more than one unexpected achievement of the heart. This one went straight to his pride.

That right beside the test was a big fat A+.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so, sorry for the big mixture of themes but I got super caught up with all the inspiration I had and I thought it made sense. Please forgive me if I unintentionally offended any of you or your beliefs, this is a mere work of fiction and has the weight of a simple story, its only intention is to light you up for the entire reading time.  
I want to thank my dear friend Celia who supported me all this time since day one when I texted her something about Jinki kneeling and not for praying, she gave me precious advises and a lot of strength, I couldn't be grateful enough.  
Last but not least, I thank the friend who inspired me, even though he has no idea I used our conversation to come up with something like this. He'll never know, he's gonna kill me. Nevertheless, thank you man.


End file.
